Wednesday, February 18, 2015

KittyTheme Song Lyrics

Many of you are familiar with the "Minerva  Louise" song. It is a revision of an old (oooooooooooold) song popular in the 1920s, which I have altered and arranged for the sake of my beloved Evil One, Minerva Louise. You can hear me sing it (as a duet) here.

What you may not know is that I have songs and lyrics for most of my other kitties as well! And since all of you seem to appreciate my great lyrical prowess (as my husband, sadly, does not), I am going to share with you the fruits of my kitty-inspired labors, the likes of which would surely make even Ira Gershwin and Oscar Hammerstein sigh with envy. I give you . . .

Kitty Theme Song Lyrics
Rohan wants it herein stated that he claims no part of the following.
(Which is untrue, because he helped refine several of these.)

First of all, I will present you with:

MARMADUKE'S THEME SONG
(So you can see what a beautiful, intelligent creature Marmaduke is.)
This was the first of my great lyrical triumphs composed for the benefit of my kitties, preceding even the "Minerva Louise" song. This was inspired by Marmaduke's tendency to help himself to anything left unattended on the counter, combined with his great desire to "help" me clean plates before sticking them in the dishwasher. It is intended to be sung to slightly-warped version of the tune "Don't Fence Me In," by Cole Porter.

 Marmaduke, Marmaduke,
You’re my precious Marmaduke
My favorite boy!
Marmaduke, Marmaduke
Such a lovely Marmaduke
A furry joy!
You’re the prettiest kitty that I ever had,
Fuzzy and funny and rarely bad,
But when you’re on the counter it just drives me mad!
Oh, Marmaduke!

Rohan says he will give this song props for honesty, but little else.

Moving on! Next I will give you:

MONSTER'S THEME SONG
 This one is sung to its own, original tune, and should be performed in a cloying baby voice, because (though Rohan doesn't believe me) this is the only sort of voice Monster understands.
(Does this look like a face that understands anything more than babytalk? I mean, seriously!)

He is a Monster Boots, he’s really sweet
He’s just a Monster Boots, he’s kinda neat
He’s just the dearest little kittycat that ever there was
He’s got big fluffy boots and little white paws
I guess he’s just my favorite cat if only because
He is a Monster Boots!

(Bridge)
You can talk about your kittycats, they’re pretty swell
But there ain’t no other kittycat I love so well
There’s no one like Monster Boots!

He is a Monster Boots, he’s really nice
He’s just a Monster Boots, don’t ask me twice!
He’s just the sweetest little kittycat I ever have seen
He’s always purring and he rarely is mean
I guess a better kittycat there never has been
Not since my Monster Boots!
Yeah.

 Monster has been known to follow me all around the house, cheeping sweetly when I sing this song to him. Rohan says it's because he's asking me to stop. Or to speak to him intelligently. But Rohan doesn't understand Monster the way I do.

Next up, allow me to present to you:

MAGRAT'S THEME SONG
 The thing you have to understand about Magrat is that she would like to be an only kitty. She is my baby, my most constant lap-companion, and extremely jealous of me and my attentions. If I call any of the other cats by name, I'm lucky if they even turn their ears to acknowledge me. But Magrat will come running. Not just for her own name, but for ANY of their names . . . because she knows, ultimately, I must have meant her.
(She's also a bit on the plumpy-side.)
So one day, while she was hogging my lap, gazing at me with utmost adoration, I decided I needed to spontaneously compose a memorable ballad describing to her just how important she really is in the grand scheme of life and the universe. Thus was this song born. (It should be sung to the tune of "O What a Beautiful Morning" by Rogers and Hammerstein.)

There’s no kitty I love quite like Magrat!
There’s no kitty I love quite like Magrat!
She’s the most importantest kitty I know
And the more she keeps eating the more she will grow!

(Chorus)
Magrat’s the kitty who matters
No one else matters at all
She’s getting fatter and fatter
Soon she’ll be a butterball!

Other kitties are not so important
Other kitties are not so important
We have a great many, but as you can see
There is no other kitty who matters to me!

(Repeat Chorus)


Sometimes, only song can express those great truths of the soul. (I know you understand this, dear reader, even if Rohan does not!)

 Next up I give you:

MAKOOSE'S THEME SONG

(Sing to me, human!)
Okay, the truth is, Makoose doesn't really have a theme song. The muse has been strangely silent when it comes to this lovely boy. This is about as far as we've ever come:

Makoose-Moose
You are a goose-goose
A bit obtuse-tuse . . . 

Yeah. And that's all she wrote. (Rohan says this one is his favorite.)

Last but not least is:

MUTTI'S THEME SONG
(Who wouldn't want to sing to that sweet face?)
Mutti has managed to acquire several songs in the short time since she's been with us. She has been christened "Mutti Bear" as her full name (for obvious teddy-bear reasons), and that name lends itself to many rhymes. For instance:

Mutti Bear built her lair
Underneath the rocking chair
So beware, don't go there
Or you'll surely get a scare.

Which morphed into:
Mutti Bear sitting there
On her fluffy derriere 
In her lair by the chair
Giving me a deadly glare

And so on and so forth with many variations on the same. But her most elaborate and preferred theme song is this one, sung to the tune of "Sir Eglamore" by Kate Rusby:


Mutti is my favorite cat
Fa la lanky don dilly!
She’s soft and sweet and kind of fat
Fa la lanky don dilly!
I like to pet her plushy fur
There’s never been a cat like her
Fa la lanky don lanky don lanky don dilly!

Mutti is my darling girl
Fa la lanky don dilly!
I love her more than jewels and pearls
Fa la lanky don dilly!
I gently stroke her silky ears
Where has she been for all these years?
Fa la lanky don lanky don lanky don dilly!

Mutti is a lovely queen
Fa la lanky don dilly!
She likes to groom and she likes to preen
Fa la lanky don dilly!
I much admire her velvet paws
But touch them not! For she has claws
Fa la lanky don lanky don lanky don dilly!

And for all Rohan's complaints . . . he actually wrote the last verse for this song. (See? He DOES get me after all!)

All right, there you have it. I know you must have been worried (must have been!) that Minerva Louise was getting special treatment with her theme song. You may now rest easy. Everyone has a theme song. (Except Makoose . . . and Milly . . . and Rohan too, oddly enough . . .)

13 comments:

Joy said...

That is so so so SWEET! Anne Elisabeth, you've just given me a bout of kitty-cat love, which is weird, because normally I don't like cats that much. But a combination of those darling little feline faces in the photos, and the bestest ever ballads for them has quite won me over.

I think I favour Monster best! ^_^
Also, no matter what your dear Mr. Rohan may say, you are really really good at putting themes into ballads and songs, like that, and for your cats too. I always look forward to them in your novels! :D

Allison Ruvidich said...

I thought Mutti's first one sounded like early Irving Berlin... but only if Mutti is prepared to prance around to olde-tyme choreography and there's a dramatic half-step modulation, maybe on an "O-oh!" to join the two verses. : D I love these! Seriously, if we do another fan music contest, I will make a medley of these.

Jenelle Leanne said...

I love this! I'm going to have all of these songs stuck in my head all day, now, thankyouverymuch. :) haha

Rohan definitely needs a theme song. :)

Sarah said...

Have I mentioned lately that your cats are adorable? As are their theme songs! Mutti's is my favorite, though Monster is a close second (though I may be a bit biased because of the picture and the fact that Monster is, in my opinion, the cutest of your kitties.)

ghost ryter said...

I'm probably going go through the rest of today singing these songs to myself. The duet with Millie was lovely! :)

Hannah said...

This is incredible. Absolutely incredible. I love them ALL.

And I spy...a sea unicorn.

Rachel Heffington said...

How funny! I love them all. <3

Meredith said...

This is so precious! Think my favorite is Maigret's song, but they're all outstanding. Sounds like the Cats lyricist has some competition. I think T.S. Elliot would like these songs, too.

Natasha Roxby said...

Oh, my, I love this! Now I'll have to set what little poetic skills I have to giving my kitty, Sidney -- a.k.a. Sidney-Face, Her Highness, Her Ladyship, Little Miss, etc.-- a theme song. I think that she'll either be extremely pleased or else incredibly insulted. Or she might just be indifferent to her bondservant's antics. We'll just have to wait and see!

And thank you for this post on fluffiness. It was one of the highlights of my day. :-)

Anonymous said...

Wow! Your cats really are adorable, especially Marmaduke.
I like your songs to! My favourite is the Mutti-bear one.
Is Magrat named after Magrat Garlick?

Jemma

Anne Elisabeth Stengl said...

@Jemma--Yes she is! You might be the first person who has caught that reference. :)

Thanks for the comments, everyone! We do have rather a lot of fun around here. @Allison--I will look forward to hearing that medley! ;)

Michelle Dyck said...

Aw, this is so cute! And really, Rohan's opinions on these songs made them twice as funny. XD

Rebeka B. said...

This was such a wonderful post to read--it made me laugh, and I always love hearing more about the kitties! <3

As for Rohan, maybe he just secretly really wants a theme song... ;)