Friday Tidbits

Tease Your Reader

Good fiction is all about the tease of your reader's desires.

Your reader wants to see certain things happen to your character. Your job, as the writer, is to not give the reader what she wants . . . or not completely. Dangle enticing story-bits before your readers' eyes and lead them in crazy ways so that they are always just grasping at that satisfaction they long for! If you give them satisfaction too soon, they'll be bored and walk away.

This teasing game begins from chapter one, paragraph one, sentence one. It's a good place for a writer to begin practicing, because the whole macrocosm of the story tension is reduced into the microcosm of that little opening.

Here's an example from a wonderful manuscript I had the privilege of critiquing not all that long ago. Here is the opening paragraph as the writer initially wrote it:

"The Academy was set in the center of a wide plateau. It erupted from the head of the island, so high that all that could be seen from the valley were the four spires of the towered halls. As the car drove slowly up the winding road, the trees became less wild and more cultivated. The grass was flawlessly green across the wide fields that hemmed the campus in, only giving way to the sea at the cliffs. From a distance, the stone square of building appeared as a carefully planned fortress.

Lima gasped at the sight of it."

Good stuff going on here, interesting imagery, and a character introduction. Verbs like "erupting" and similes like "fortress" create a sense of drama and possible danger. But . . . is it enticing?

Look what happens with a very simple rearranging of the sentences using almost the exact same wording:

"All that could be seen from the valley were four spires erupting from the head of the island. As the car drove slowly up the winding road, the trees became less wild and more cultivated, grass flawless green across the wide fields, giving way at last to seaside cliffs. From a distance, the stone square of the central building appeared as carefully planned as a fortress.

The Academy. Lima gasped at her first sight of it."

See the difference in tension build up? From the start, the reader is made to ask questions which leads him into the story.

"All that could be seen from the valley were four spires erupting from the head of the island. ("All that can be seen of what? What are these spires for?") As the car drove slowly up the winding road, ("Who's driving this car?)" the trees became less wild and more cultivated, grass flawless green across the wide fields, giving way at last to seaside cliffs. From a distance, the stone square of the central building appeared as carefully planned as a fortress. ("A fortress? What is this place?")

The Academy. (Oh, okay!) Lima gasped at her first sight of it. (Hmmm. I wonder who Lima is?)"

What would a rearranging of your own first sentence and paragraph do? Tease those readers of yours! Dangle curiosities before their noses! Can you create more immediate tension? Get your reader asking some key questions? Foreshadow the perils to come?